I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
