In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
