take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
