If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize