chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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