he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
is it fun? or sober?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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