I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
my being single is dangerous.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
