Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
