I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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