it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
