Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
please come you make the beer taste better
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I checked into jail on foursquare
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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