Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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