How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
