is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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