somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
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He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
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Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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