i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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