i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
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