this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
