My hand turned me down
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
