How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Sponge bath it is.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
