At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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