dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
