Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
honey bunches of taint.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
