Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
