I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
