Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
smell my finger.
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If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
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At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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