when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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