Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
