My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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