I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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