Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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