My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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