I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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