I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
