@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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