you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
