Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
It was confusing and full of hummus
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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