remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
