Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
