just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
