I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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