What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize