I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
