I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
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