sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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