I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
