I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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