every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
