she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
