I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
