ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
