Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
