I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
