Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I can't trust your balls anymore.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
