i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
