I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
