Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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