I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
