I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I don't deserve a penis
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
