Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
