wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
