Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
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well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
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I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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