well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
