there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
