Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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