Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
