I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
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