9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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