Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
