That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
