I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
