If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
she smelled like a LAN party
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
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