my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize