so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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